Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
