This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
