All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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