yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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