I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
