i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
