this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
