I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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