Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So. Much. Porn.
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