I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
