3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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