Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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