She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
