He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
