That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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