you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
