As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
