Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize