He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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