Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
