it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
