i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
