I wish I only lived at night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
