hell yes lets make some ravioli
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
