at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
