woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
