can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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