found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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