there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
