I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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