Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
