there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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