Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
