Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
