So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
