I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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