she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
