Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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