the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had sex on a roof
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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