Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
