New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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