Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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