I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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