i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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