____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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