I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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