you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
