Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
