i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
