I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
