I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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