It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
