4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
