I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
