It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
