i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google imaged poop.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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