She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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