Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
