Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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