Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
