we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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