thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
