i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
