Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
