i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
