dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
