Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
