Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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