fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
