he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
