Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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