it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
