i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
