We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
