I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's the barista slut.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
