just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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