'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
