its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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