I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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