every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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