She's JV to your varsity
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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