Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
