Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
