Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
