tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
