I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So squirting runs in the family.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Panties = found
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