Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
nutella sex= disaster
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
