So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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