If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
