If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
