I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
