your parents love me but you hate me
Already got asked if we're dating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
