can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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