I've blown a few things in my day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
