My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
