You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
