Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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