I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
